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Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Seasons And Guilt

For a very long time I was under the mentality that "this" or "that" was my calling or destiny.  Being a wife, mother, and homemaker were at the top of my list for about 7 years.  And I was more than fine with that.  I knew God was pleased with my "sacrifices" in their own right.  I love being a mom.  I really got a high from teaching Sophia to read and helping her learn the earliest math facts.  I loved being the one who helped my kids learn to stand and walk and use the potty on their own, and be in their faces 24/7 teaching them their first words.  That season of life was wonderful and hard.

HOWEVER....

Tim made a comment to me recently that awakened me a bit- "You're a full time graduate student now, you don't have time to take care of this house.  That's not your life anymore."  I mean, thanks for cutting me a ton of slack, babe, but it got me thinking.   I became "WOKE" to a new mentality through the conversation I had with him. And while he didn't say any of the following to me, this is what I came away with:

You can change with the seasons of life.  You do not have to keep yourself boxed into a role merely because you've held this role for years.  Just because I have been a stay-at-home-mom (and manager of our rental properties) for seven years doesn't mean that's my ultimate destiny.  I don't think we have an ultimate destiny. And I base that solely on the fact that life circumstances change, often out of our control, and we have to or get to change with them. 

If you have other interests or talents, freaking go for it.  If you want to go back to school, apply for financial aid.  If you want to start your own business, take the first step.   If you want to grow a garden, go buy some seeds. If you want to write a book, pull up a Word document.   If you want to quit your job to spend more time with your kids, look into alternative ways to make money, or rearrange your budget.  If you want to go back to work, buy an outfit and go apply for a job.  IT'S OK TO CHANGE YOUR PLAN.  It's ok to want something different than what you previously wanted.  It says nothing about your character as a mother, father, wife, husband, or person.  It DOES show courage and gumption.  Bear down and go get what you want.  You don't have to rearrange your entire life. You can simply add a new hobby, taking time for yourself.  Tim and I have both focused on this recently.  The guilt creeps in, but I squash it.



For us, our lives have drastically changed within the past year, and it would be very easy for me to feel guilty about some of the decisions we've made.  Mom guilt is a bitch...and dad guilt, I suppose. It doesn't discriminate.  However, I look around and realize that we are all four thriving.  My children seem to be happier than ever, and we've not gone through any behavior problems throughout the changes.  When mom and dad are happy, it trickles down.
Our recent life changes:
1. I went back to graduate school starting last summer. So, that takes up the majority of my time.
2. We put Sophia into public school this past August for second grade.  She freaking LOVES it. Hates missing school.
3. We JUST put Gabriel in half day preschool 4 days a week.  He is home by 1pm and home on Fridays, so we are slowly cutting the cord. (he's super attached, lol).  But he loves it and is doing great.
4. Tim and I have started side projects, because life is short.

We went from full time, year around homeschooling, to essentially both kids in "school" pretty quickly.  So, one can see how I could wallow in guilt constantly.   But, I choose to change with the seasons and be thankful that we are all doing things that enhance our lives in their own ways.  My identity isn't a "homeschool mom" anymore, and it took my awhile to come to terms with that. It took me awhile to be ok with this new season. I truly loved it and cherish the invaluable time I had during those years.  And if you are a lifetime homeschool mom, that's ok too.  Many are ok with one particular path in life. And I say, "that's great!".  It's personality dependent often times.  Other times, some may feel that that are betraying their calling if they want to do something else; they feel like they can't.

We get one chance to live life to the fullest: What does that look like for you?

Let's give ourselves permission to change our minds; change our interests, capitalize on newfound talents, create a new path.  We are allowed to do that.  Let's all cut ourselves some friggin slack.  My way is not better than your way, and vice versa.  MOST of us are doing our best.  No guilt necessary! 
And if you aren't doing you're best, I have other words for you. ;)  

-Hales

p.s. Yes, I still do dishes and laundry and homemaking stuff, haha! 

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